I think that is very hard to be a good friend, especially when all the people around you, lie to you!
It's very hard to be a good person, knowing what you know.. It's very hard not to snap, when everything around you is breaking apart..
I had a dream yesterday. I dreamed my death. I dreamed that I was dying.. I was surrounded by people, and I was the center of their attention just for a sec.. I felt like I was important just for a moment. I saw the strongest light even when I felt like losing my self in the deepest dark. I never thought that being so important would be so bad. I thought that I would feel wonderful, but sadly I felt like shit. :/
It all started while I was in my school. I was walking with my best friend and suddenly I felt bad. I fell to the ground and I fainted.. I woke up a couple of minutes later,in a grey hospital, surrounded by 3 doctors, some of my teachers, my parents, my "friends" and my boyfriend.. Some of them were crying, and I asked what's wrong? My mum came close, and she took my hand in hers. She kissed me in the forehead crying, and said:
"You are sick sweetie! You are plugged to a machine and you have only half hour to live.. " She continued crying, and she could barely take a breath. My boyfriend lied right next to me and hugged me hard. I couldn't believe it and I started to think that they were joking me, but then I realized that they couldn't possibly be joking with that.. Shocked I started to cry, and to scream.. I felt so cold. I saw my friends in their eyes, and for the first time I could recognize the truth in everyone of them. I could see that some of them were really sad, and I could see them praying for me. But sadly I could see some that didn't care..
I had a necklace on my neck-it was a gift from my boyfriend and I took my boyfriend's hand and I gave it to him, while crying, and saying:
"I hope that you will find someone very special, that will make you the happiest person on Earth- you deserve that.. But I really hope that you'll keep this necklace, as a reminder of our love, and of me.. I hope that every time, you see this, you will have a flashback of all of our fights, of all our happy moments, and even the sad ones, and I hope you never forget me.. "
He just leaned in and said, I will never forget you no matter what! You are my best! I can't imagine my life without you.. And he couldn't stop his tears anymore.. It's been like 20 minutes already, and my parents came and hugged me so tight.. My 2 BFF were crying like crazy and suddenly the cold disappeared and I felt really hot.. I opened my eyes and I couldn't see. I was like blind, but I could see a light that was so strong.. I screamed but nobody listened..
I woke up a couple of moments later all in tears. That was the moment when I realized that I loved my life, but hated so many of the people in it. They were the ones that were killing me by not caring.. They were the ones breaking my world. I realized that they were mean to me, just because I was too good with them..
I can't and I won't forgive them that! EVER!
So I've had enough of dying for someone.. I wanna live! I wanna live with the people that I care about, and the people that care about me! ..'Cause that's what life is all about, isn't it?
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